why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
