He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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