Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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