Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
