so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
