went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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