What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
