did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
