You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
