YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
