When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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