i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
