PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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