sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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