you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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