you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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