She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
