it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
