Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
