I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
