I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
