Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
