These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
