PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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