what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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