I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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