I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
