Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
