I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
