I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
