Whod you bang
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
