You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
