So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
