Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
