I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
