I'm so fucking centered right now
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
