Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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