'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
