he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
