Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
