Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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