8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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