Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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