i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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