Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
