Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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