Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
