anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you inspire me to be a worse person
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
