Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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