I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
