Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
