I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
