My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i believe in u and ur pee
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
