its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
