I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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