I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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