Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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