...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
